I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
