I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My ass is underappreciated
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
