It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
