I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this hospital has no fireball
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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