I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Text me some of your sweat
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