Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize