Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
