I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A+ Viking dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
