Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
