She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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