new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
