Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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