So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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