I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
