If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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