i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
