Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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