We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize