Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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