dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
