Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize