Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
