True but thats because hes a fetus.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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