pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
