4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
