wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
