Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
