I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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