I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
