I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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