I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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