how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
