Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
