Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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