What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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