Sponge bath it is.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm like, not good at living.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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