you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
