im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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