If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
