Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
