Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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