You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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