He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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