The maid of honor just puked.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
