ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
