I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
