so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had to cum in my sink.
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