I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
