Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize