he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
