It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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