Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
