did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
