Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
