hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
