Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize