He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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