I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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