i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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