So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
