I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
