I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
