ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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