Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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