We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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