Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
