I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
