Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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