if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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