Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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