so explain again why im purple
no
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
