I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
