it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
