Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
