Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
