"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
