No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize