apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
