I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
